Tag Archives: change

Those Tricky Transitions

Life has a pretty dark sense of humor… and an odd way of teaching the most important lessons. There have been a lot of silly clichés in my head the past couple months as I try to look on the bright side; I am filled with gratitude even as I’m filled with grief and heartbreak. They make me laugh in their inadequacy yet utter perfection, like bad puns. Like “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” All I can think when I hear this is that I must be a compulsive multi-tasker, because I’m like “WHY NOT BOTH?!” Because both SO apply.

So, yeah, this happened…

Friends & Fam ~ it’s been hard for me not to say much about what’s going on, but as you all know, I am not good at keeping the feels in. And having the same conversation over & over is harder than I thought, so in the interest of keeping things simple, and not vaguebooking, even though this is likely going to spark a lot of attention we’re really not looking for, I feel it’s time to say something a bit more publicly:

James and I have been in transition for a bit now… our chapter as partners is closing. There is no way we couldn’t stay friends, but we’re trying to give each other some space. Letting go is hard, especially for me. This transition has been really difficult for both of us but after many conversations and tears, it’s just what must be. And so on we grow…

Please be a little extra patient and a little extra kind with us as we get thru this in our own ways, and please don’t bombard him with questions or advice or whatever. I am sharing this because it’s been harder for me not to say anything, and he is amazing and understanding about that even though he’s much more private on social media. We didn’t want to make a big deal out of our struggle when it could be so much worse…

So it is with a heavy heart that I share this with our loved ones, but please don’t worry. We’ll both be ok. Eventually. Change is hard, but that’s life. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has been there for us, listened, helped us both move and helped make this difficult time easier. Please know that there are no sides we’re asking you to pick. So grateful to have such an amazing support network. We love you!

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Change is never easy, but it’s pretty much all we’re guaranteed in life. It’s especially hard when you don’t see it coming, when it’s not your choice that brings it on, but maybe it’s even harder when it is… Endings are never easy for anyone. We all have our own ways of processing things. And the ways we process are always changing too. But one thing I have learned is that holding back doesn’t serve me. I am very sensitive and emotionally deep, which I’m sure is a bit intense.

Not everyone can handle my transparency and vulnerability, but writing, thinking and talking about what I’m feeling helps me process the sometimes overwhelming emotions I go through. It feels a little strange to share it online with friends and strangers, and may not always be safe to divulge too much. But when it comes to the real life shit we all go through as we grow, I can’t see a good reason not to talk about it. Sharing our stories and listening to the experience of others is how we connect. Connection is how we grow, create change and build community…

And so we begin this exercise in Letting Go…

I’m trying to see this lesson as a practice. One that makes me stronger, as hardship and heartbreak always do, and one that doesn’t let me harden my heart or hide its real, raw, pain but to feel it, flow through it, and then let it pass. The deep shit, the rock bottom, the darkness is what makes us human. Trudging through it all while refusing to give up all hope, walking in darkness without losing that tiny flicker of light that’s the pilot light of our hearts is what makes us learn and grow.

And so here We Grow…

Thank you, James, for sharing three wonderful years with me. Thank you for jumping in with me, probably a bit too soon, when it felt so right to be and live together. Thank you for supporting me and helping me shine, for seeing me and listening and just being there. For treating me as an equal and believing in me. I wish we had more time, but I’m glad you were wise enough to exit gracefully, and remain my friend.

I am left alone, with a heart ripped open, missing what we had and lost, but grateful to have experienced a love I always believed was possible, a connection deeper than any I’ve felt and a relationship that left me far, far better and more fulfilled than when it began.

These words popped into my head today so I had to write them down in one of many little books of snippets and bits of wisdom I keep around… “The good news is: You Will be STRONGER. The bad news is: It will hurt & it won’t be easy…”

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This is hard. Gut-wrenching, heart aching, breaking down kinda hard. It always is. Especially when it comes to love — for better or worse, I’m all in, and my love can be a bit overwhelming. But there wouldn’t be highs without lows, and life is all about dancing on the edge of darkness and light… Or at least those are the pretty poetic things I tell myself as I nurse this heavy heart and try to take care of myself while simultaneously worrying way too much about him and wondering how he truly feels and what went wrong.

Just keep swimming… Just keep swimming… Just keep swimming…

We’re not the only ones wading through the muck. And it could be SO much worse. Those cliche silver linings can make all the difference. And so can amazing and supportive friends and loved ones. Grateful and grieving all at the same time. I suppose life is full of such dichotomies. C’est la vie. <3

Are We Allergic to Food? Or What’s Been Done to it?

This mother began looking into the food industry when her youngest had a severe allergic reaction to food, and she does a very good job of presenting what she learned in this video. Well worth watching!

“None of us can do everything. But all of us can do something.”